What You Lying For

What up doe!

So its snowing in the Carolina’s and these damn dick heads out here buying up bread and water like its the damn last supper or an apocalypse. Anyway, so since about five this morning I’ve been trying to figure out why dudes lie to their females friends. Specially when I’m the friend in question. We are just friends, why lie.

1. You can’t make or break us: If we are just friends and nobody has any feelings,why are you lying. We friends, its so stupid to me how people get wrapped up in emotions that were and that could be. They aren’t the current emotions. Why are you worried about feeling you can’t hurt. “You know me man have fucks don’t give em”, I could care less. If we friends and i wanna call my guy friend and tell him i got some ( we all know what the hell getting some grow up) I’m going to call that dick face and tell him i got some. The only thing he can do as my friend is be like “Oh word”.

2. We are not together ya twit! If we are not in a relationship, we never were, we didn’t have the intentions on getting together there is no reason for lies. I mean come on you don’t have to hide stuff from somebody you aren’t with. You shouldn’t be hiding shit no way. Some people just have it in their mind that they are protecting you by hiding stuff. Again I say Captain Dumb Ass, you are not protecting anyone if you’re hiding the truth. ITS THE SAME SHIT AS LYING DUMB ASS! But people don’t get that.

3. Nobody gives a fuck: at the end of the day, nobody cares what you did. I only know what you tell me and if i choose not to give two shits on a hot summers day then oh well. Now if I can read straight through your bullshit then there is no point. I don’t care! If you not giving me the business, paying my bills, or making sure I’m fed i could care less what you do. So what the hell are you lying to me for!!!!!!! I don’t have time for the shit. I don’t like to be lied to. My shorty don’t even lie to me, so you can take your lie and shove it up your ass

Oh well gotta go. Time to get on the radio, you lying little shits


The Curve

Sup dick heads

You ever get pissed off trying to curve somebody.  Don’t sit there amd try to look innocent.  You just curved the shit out that dude or that girl last night. I don’t get it. People let it be known that they curving and people just refuse to accept it. How do you know you’ve been curved *sprinkles ratchet fairy dust*

1. If you don’t have their number already CURVE! If you have known that person for some months and you still ain’t get a text, yo ass has been curved. Girls are good for this shit. They take your number and let the damn thing take up space in their phone. Or if they a G, they don’t even save your shit. Fooled you thinking they gave a damn bah! Jokes on you dumb ass

2. If they keep coming up with reasons why they can’t chill CURVE! Lol now from time to time you’ll come across somebody who trying to “try something new” so you snag the number.  Around week two they realize you aggy as shit. So when you text them saying shit like come chill with me, they reply with crazy shit like ” Nah I can’t come out tonight I gotta shave my dog”. Of course you confused but thats cause yo ass just got curved.

3. If they ducking yo ass in public CURVE! At this point  they don’t want anybody to know they know your lame ass. If you saw them on the yard and they disappear before you can walk over to say hi best believe they want no parts of you and your crazy ass. The fact that you thought they were going to be there when you looked up is disrespectful.

4. If you call them and a Spanish lady pick up and say “Sorry no LaKiesha hea papi” CURVE! Now if she gave you the wrong number thats a major curve.  Now back in the day we use to pass out the rejection hot line number.  If they gave you that all hope is lost and you need to take your sorry ass home.

Ya’ll the curve is real! Stop letting these people curve you its making yo ass look bad

I ain’t gotta work, I’m just done talking to your ugly ass. Im out!

Forgive Them, Forgive You


I went to church this morning so I promise I’ll be nice. Im not even going to make a list today.  People well more so our generation has a proble with letting go. Yes im sure he hurt you or yes she probably lied, but you can’t move forward if you can’t forgive. How many of you go into new friendship or relationships thinking about what happen last. You ever notice that you ruin it. Ok I said no list but here we go

1. You push people away: when it comes to new things you have to step out on faith.  If you are worried about what happen with your past, you become defensive. You give people reason to walk away from you.

2. You only ruin yourself: eventually from pushing everything and everyone away.  You’ll only have you. No one and I do mean no one will want to be aroynd you.  They can speak to you, you become the person no one wants to be around. No one can relate to you cause you’re so busy pushing everyone away that there’s no point in trying with you.

Long story short forgive people for what they have done then forgive you. If not you’ll be living alone with your 27 cats meow!

He Either Want You or Ya Vickies

Sup my g

I’ve been sitting in the car thinking hard about what to blog about. And then it hit me, nah it really didnt. I just had somebody on my mind. Don’t trip babe, it was you. Anyway, I was thinking about how females always start damn crying when a dude get they goodies and bounce. This shit always happens for two reasons, you shit faces don’t ask questions or pay attention. Ands heres the list for the shit faces of America:

1. You need ask him questions: now when I say questions I dont mean the stupid shit when you trying to get to know him. Ask anybody I know, I ask two questions: What do you want from me, and Do you just wanna do me or do you like me for real? Do you know how much shit you can avoid off these two questions alone. And if he says he just wanna do ya, then you can either take him to get tested so yall can get down and dirty, or tell that MF to bounce and go about your life. You too old to be a one hitter quitter

2. A dude will always reveal what he wants: If your conversations are more about sex then your life goals then guess what stupid ass…… HE DON’T WANNA BE YOUR MAN. Once again because I’m a real ninja, I already peeped babe, little do he know. But if you’ve already talked about the shit up front you wont have to pay attention. You’ll know what he wants.  You can cut out a lot of shit.

3. Look for the signs: if he never got intimate with you he just want ypur Vickies. I don’t mean sexual intamicy. Sex is sex,  he can make you feel like a queen in the bed all hre wants. If he not interested in your goals and your life dreams then he don’t GAF. He don’t care if your aspiration is to be a prostitute on vanhouton street or toonotch. Drop his ass ASAP

4. Think about how you got his number: Now if you was making it clap on him then best believe he don’t want shit else but to see how it look with no clothes on. Now don’t be a shit face cock master and think he want you. And some of ya’ll so damn gullible that it don’t matter. “He said he trying to get to know me” girl shut up he trying to find out what that mouth do.  Have a damn seat

Ya’ll gotta do better, but don’t trip I’ll write a how-to for you simple minded shorties.

Gotta go. I go shit to do.

Your the Ex for a Reason

Break yourself fool!
  Once againg I had no idea what I was going to talk about. TC and Erica came in just in time, although they have no idea how. You know when you make a choice to break up with someone, you were the one who made the choice right? So why bother your ex. Why text them or call them? As always there is a Captian Dumb Ass in the mix. I didnt even think I was going to make a list but I can come up with some valid points.

1. Its too late to try and resolve issues: The relationship is over cause you decided to be  quick to end the shit. This generation is truly one who likes shit quick. You didnt stick around to try and fix the problem. You let the shit go, so you and all your unspoken feelings can have a court side seat in your own self-destruction.  Close mouth don’t get fed. Point blank it was your dumb ass fault.

2. What is there to effing talk about: the shit is over, its done so why are we talking. You can’t force your ex to be your friend or talk to you. Everybody isn’t that kind hearted.  You broke their heart and damn near ruined their ability to love.  The fuck they wanna talk to you  for. You better be lucky if they look at your magilla gorilla looking ass.

3. They want to get over you: if you just broke up the wounds are fresh.  Let their shits heal. You can’t just walk in and out of somebody’s life like its your personal revolving door. Not somebody thats been good to you gave you the world. Nah that can’t happen. They want you out of their mind fast as a virgin nut on the first time. Like lets be real, by a show of hands how many of you are still friends with the dick wad that broke your heart……….Don’t worry stupid I’ll wait.

Long story short,  get the hell out of their lives.  You don’t want that person so leave then the fuck alone. Dont call them, text them, send them anonymous message from apps and shit. Give them breathing room. You fucked up your good thing not them. Sit that ass down

Shit I gotta go to work

You Telling the Truth or Nah?

Hey ya’ll whats T! ( in Shantell voice)
You ever get in a conversation with someone about something serious and you tell the truth. I mean like really tell the truth,  just blunt out right truth.  Well if you don’t you’re, you my friend are a biiiiiiiiiiit! I laugh cause people always yelling “Damn why can’t I just meet someone who will be real with me”. Now if you’re blessed like my friends, you have me. I dont give a rats ass on a hot summer’s day in a polkadot dress. I’m going to give that shit to you straight. No chaser! I mean what’s the benefits of lying *does tootsie roll*

1. It takes to much effort to lie: This reason alone is why people always get caught the hell up! How are you going to tell a lie and forget what the hell you said. Duh stupid you’ll be better off with the truth.  And if you dating somebody like me , oh you shit out of luck. Im inspector gadget, im going to find out and when I catch that ass. Its over. The consequences of telling the truth are far less painful then then a lie

2. People’s feelings get caught up in lies: Now I know for a fact I ain’t a shit. And if you’re reading this you know I aint shit.  I would rather hurt somebody with the truth temporarily,  then damage them with a lie permanently. Thats like lying to your friend ” Girl you look fine chill” when she clearly look like a pile a shit at the dog park waiting to be stepped in. I’m not about that life if you look like shit ima tell ya. Hell I tell myself when I look like shit I aint about to lie to you,

3. You will never confuse someone with the truth: remember the truth is black or white no gray. if they know what it is then, theres no way you can confuse them. Its way easier to say to a person ” Hey I don’t like you, I just think that ass fat and I wanna see it without the pants” lol or in a females case ” I don’t want you im just trying to get in ya pants” . Don’t give nobody the damn run around trying to wine and dine them and shit.  Thats a waste of money and time. I ain’t with that kinda shit.

4. You ever heard the truth will set you free: The hell you over lying for without you snaggle tooth ass. Its too much pressure to lie. It sit on your chest like Erica do when we play fight.  E I love you but your ass is heavy. Every time you tell a damn lie you gotta remember what damn lie you told.  That my friend is a full time job, you ain’t geting paid for it I would quit.  People lie and be walking around feeling like caged damn birds. Why trap yourself in a lie. ITS DUMB! Who has time. If you creeping say that. If her breath smell like hot ass say that. Don’t hold yiur tongue

Like dead as in my eyes,  there’s not point.  Im blunt and up front about everything. I tried saying it nicely but that was the worst 4 seconds of my life. But if you’re going to say you want the truth, be ready for the shit.  And if you ain’t bout this life don’t claim you want it. Now excuse me shit face liar I have to go to work.

Im outty

Communication: Black and White no Gray

Hallo ( Borat Voice)

So as always I’m in the group message with TC and Erica and I had no freaking idea what i was going to talk about today. Of course Erica old nasty ass wanna talk about sex and shit. But TC, told me to talk about communication. Its funny cause when she said it a turned TF up like all the way. Now I’m sure you’re reading this like, “Tasha if you talk you can communicate so what do you mean”. Today we talking about effective communications you ass bags. (Does list dance)

1. First of all PEOPLE IDK IS NOT A DAMN ANSWER!: If your talking to somebody and you asked them something like ” Babe we been talking for a minute, where do you see this going” or something simple like “What do you want from me” NINJA IF YOU OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH AND SAY I DONT KNOW IMA SLAP YO ASS. You know. Everyone always knows. There is no way in hell you don’t know. I can tell where something has the potential to go in a few days what the hell do you mean you don’t know. Its either a yes or a damn no the hell is there to think about. Talking about you don’t know like you making a life or death decision. This aint the damn illuminati stupid ass nobody has to damn die for you to speak your mind.

2. Lack of communication will eff some shit up: Now this isn’t just about relationships. This goes for businesses, school, friendships anything. When you don’t open your mouth to tell somebody whats really going on, shit gets crazy. I can name a couple instances where this has happened. TC says it all the time is black or white NO GRAY. Pretty much what that means is, if the shit aint working out for you say that. Don’t sit your dumb ass there and say “No its cool” or be a fence rider. You either in or you out. That shit is a blower to have somebody confusing the shit outta you.

3. If you don’t have communication you aint got shit!: People fail at life cause they don’t know how to open their damn mouth. Closed mouth don’t get fed. I swear somedays i feel like a relationship coach. My favorite line is ” But did you tell them that” Opening your  mouth to your friends or somebody outside your situationship isn’t going to help. What good is it going to do if you call Sharkeisha and told her your boyfriend sex is TF terrible. Its not going to help. Open your damn mouth like how many times do i have to tell your monkey ass.

4. Just cause your talking don’t mean its clear: People swear that they are saying how they feel. Remember the saying “Say what you mean and mean what you say”. Explain to me how the hell you expect somebody to know what the hell you’re feeling or what the hell going on in your mind if your not making it clear. Hey dick face, its called layman’s term. Better yet say that shit like you talk to your homies. And if you don’t have that relationship with your significant other, its time for a new one. Cause aint no way in hell. I can call my shorty right now and be like “Look bruh that shit wasn’t cool and you need to correct it or thats that ass”. He not going to get mad or he better not, but i can take care of that(evil grin). If you can open your mouth and say how you feel your an ass bag and you need to get your damn life.

At the end of the day, communication is key. Say what you wanna say, who going to check you! I say what i want all the damn time and the people freaking love it. Like i said who TF going to check me….. Don’t worry I’ll wait


Support its a Necessity

Jambo,(if you’ve never seen Mean Girls you won’t find this funny)

Ok so by a show of hands,  how many of you are in relationships…….(waits for you to raise your hand like a dumb ass). By another show of hands,  how many of you have “best friends”. Now if you put your hand in the air, kill yourself cause I CANT FREAKING SEE YOU! Anyway, if you answered yes or put your hand in the air this is for you.  Everyone has a significant other or best friend. Each of those titles come with jobs.  The one job that people have tendency to forget is SUPPORT.  The life that we live is shitty without a support system. A solid one, not one thats unstable like most of ya’ll weaves. Yes I went there. (Vanna White magically appears) And here is today’s list:

1. You can’t have ANY relationship without support: now everybody get real, how the hell are you going to have a functional relationship or friendship without support. People need a little push from time to time. You need a skinny friend to tell you to get off your fat ass and get it done or just to tell you that you can do it. Knowing somebody has your back through the toughest situation is a good damn feeling. Everyone wants true love,  but if you love someone you support them with every decision they make. Get your life people

2. Support can be the making or breaking point: anybody ever date an athlete? Yea me neither. But I had a TC and an Erica, long nights crazy weekends and all they did was travel. So as their friend and roommate ( even though Erica ass clearly lives across campus) it was my damn job to make sure they knew I was there. Some nights if they lost a game or had a rough night in practice they asses would find their way to my bed! But it was just cause they knew I understood.  When you know someone lives and breath what they love you gotta understand shit will be tough. Now if you’re going to be a shit face and complain about shit like ” We don’t spend enough time together” I want you to take that comment and STFU! They already having a tough time with not seeing your mongoose looking ass. Don’t make it worse by acting like a hoe about the situation. Let them know that you get that they are busy and you appreciate the phone calls and the text that they do send you and you love them for it.

3. You could ruin what you have: I know plenty of people who’s relationships are in a sticky situation. Prime example,  my close friend just graduated college and she has a job in her field im proud of her. But she has a girlfriend who is giving her ultimatums and shit. You know the situation you’re in before you get into it. Hey dumb ass! If you don’t want to be the person that keeps your friend or significant other grounded through this shit spare they’re feeling’s and move on. This life ain’t easy. And I can tell you, if it wasn’t for TC, Erica, KiKi,and Marie my ass wouldn’t  be where I am. Between them, my family, and God I’ve been able to keep going.  If you wanna be the person to sabotage your relationship go ahead. Let your partner know you could give two shits about what it is they are trying to do for the both of you.

4. Your not doing you damn job: boogerwoofs and hood boogers are always yelling they want loyalty and honesty ummmm hello support should be up there. Its your job as a friend or a bae! You dip shit,  if you weren’t with them while they were trying to make the money,  dont stand your ass in line when its time to spend the shit.  I’m not going to be looking for the person that wasn’t there for me. I’m looking for the person that read my blog, listen to me cry about how hard I struggled.  You can’t reap the benefits of a job your ass ain’t do. Point blank period.

At the end of the day,  support isn’t just one of those things you over look and by pass. People need it to progress and grow. You either going ride the wave or be ship wrecked by your got damn self.

Peace out suckas!!!!!!

To Change or Not to Change Thats a Demand


Didn’t know I spoke Fench did ya? Well I don’t so get that out of your mind.
Yesterday I’m in a group message talking to TC and Erica. I love talking to them, it can either be this deep insightful conversation or it can turn into straight tomfoolery. One of the things we talk about is changing things up. Now I don’t mean changing your dirty draws you’re obligated to do that.  Someone told me “If you do what you always do, you’ll get what you always got”. Guess what time it is! Guess what time it is! LIST TIIIIIIIMMMMME! ( what you dont think its funny. I don’t give a shit).

1. You’ll always get what you always got: if you always gravitate to the hood boogers and boogerwoofs of the world you’ll always have to deal with their rachetivity. Don’t know what a hood booger or boogerwoof is, refer to my post entitled “Valentine’s Day Vortex”. Any who,  just for once stop considering the man that called you beautiful or the woman that thinks your handsome as being thirsty. Hey Captian Stupid! Thats not thirst,  thats what it looks like when a gentleman or a real woman has interest in your old ugly ass.

2. You wont know what you like until you try it: now this isn’t just reference to relationships. Its anything! People are always yelling stupid shit like “Thats not going to look good on my skin” or ” Hell no that look nasty”. Again Captain Stupid, you can’t go based off how stuff looks or what peoole say. You never know what you miss out on if you just try the damn thing.

3. You have no sense of adventure if you don’t change stuff up: I always say I want a man with a sense of adventure.  Yo necesito aventura. Oh did you not get an A in Spanish,  well thats a damn shame cause thats basic Spanish. But anyways, if you get up every morning and do the same shit, YOU ARE BORING! Get dressed and go exploring.  Get in your car gas that shit up and drive.  Now if you drive a putt putt don’t go to far, ain’t nobody got time to come get your ass.

4. Switching up stuff can excited your partner( people in relationships only): Ladies if you usually wear high-leg briefs and big grandma panties, go into Victoria’s Secret and get you some lace backs. Men just so you know, no damn woman my age wears high-leg damn briefs. Them shits ugly! Men if you always send her flowers on Monday,  send them on Friday. Keep the element of surprise going.

Once again guys ” If you do what you always do, you’ll get what you always got” Switch stuff up and bring some color to your life cause if you wearing high-leg briefs I KNOW YOUR SHIT SUCK!


You Single? A Death Sentence or A Blessing

What’s up or whateva

Ok so lets have a talk. Every time I log on to a social network all I see is crap like ” Im so sick of being single” and “Dudes aint worth shit” blah blah blah. I want to be the first to say STFU! I mean what’s so wromg with being single. Oh yea its list time.

1. Being single you do WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT: Now when you have a significant other you have rules and shit. Now if you’re anything like me, which I doubt,  I’m a rebel I do what I want. If you tell me not to I’m doing it anyway. You have the ability to have  freedom. Now granted when I get in a relationship that will all change because I have to respect my King( whoever you are). But until then shiiiiiit I’m doing what I want until things get serious. Freedom is the shit and if you don’t think so you aint living.

2. Being single isn’t the damn apocalypse: females this one’s for you. tou acr like the world is crashing down on your ass cause you don’t have a man. Eff a man take that time to get ya shit together. Get a degree, a job, a car something. Women want a man to come to the tablw with all these materialistic stuff and they don’t have it. Take the time you have while your single and become the woman you want to be first.

3. You don’t have anybody clocking you: now im sorry im down for good morning text and late night conversation. I just can’t stand when someone is texting me every hour on the hour. You’re not my damn keeper. My time away from you is just that! And if you down for that then so be it but im not. You can have that shit for real. Clingy is terrible as HELL. Having somebody aggravate you thay many times a day will blow the shit out of you.  Just think about it,  you tell them what time you’re going to work and when you get off.  Thirty minutes into your shift you get a text “Baby wyd” like you weren’t going to be at work 30 minutes after you got there! Aggravating!

4. You look insecure: There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone. You better become friends with God. I’m never alone or lonely.  Females kill me with that “I just can’t be myself” shit. You were born alone, unless you’re a twin. You’re going to die alone, unless some tragic shit happens and you die with a group of people(God forbid). So be by your damn self shit. Enjoy it and shut up.  People with kids wish they had time to be alone. Married peooke would love to come home and be alone. So again I say STFU!

Now personally,  yes I am single and been single for four years. In my opinion no I don’t have a car my own spot but im working on it. The im not asking a man to have over 4000 in his account, with a car and a job making ovee 40 thousand a year. All I want is someone with drive and ambition so we can build our kingdom together. But at the same time you’ll never catch me complaining about being single. I do what I want ALL THE TIME. I’m working on me.  Some of you dip shits should try it.

Peace to the middle east!