Mixed Signals for Dumbies

First of all, good morning readers. So its 8:06 am and im laying in bed replying to text messages. Don’t judge me,  you look at your phone first thing in the morning too just like the rest of us. But anyway, im looking at my text messages and I laugh because of all the mixed signals this one asshole keeps sending me. One day you’re all on my phone the next minute its a entire 360. And its pretty obvious that I like to make lists of stuff so here we go:
I’d like to call this: Mixed Signals For Dumbies

1. Nothing good ever came out of a mixed signal: Hey asshole if mixed signals worked the marriage rate in America would sky rocket. How many damn people have you heard say “Oh yea he sent me mixed signals and we fell so deep in love”  Ummm news flash Captian Obvious NOBODY EVER SAID THAT.  No one is going to continue to tolerate that bull so stop doing it.

2. Eventually the person will leave: Now ladies please don’t think for one damn split second that this post isn’t for you. Yes men send mixed signals like Sallie Mae send those damn debt collection notices (and if you don’t know Sallie Mae then……). But ladies if a man truly wants you he ain’t sticking around playing wack a mole with your ass. Bring your ass out the hole and be up front with him. Shit! Don’t make it hard for the man. I mean let’s be honest here. Ain’t no way in the fiery pits of Hell will I stick around for a person that’s confusing the shit out of me I dont have time.

3.  You look damn confused: When you go to your favorite ice cream parlor nine out of 10 times you know what you want. You don’t take your ass in there and run off 6 different flavors.  You already know what you want cause it’s your favorite! The same should apply to a partner. Don’t go giving someone the damn run around and leaving them confused its unfair.

4. If you truly want them you lose out: People send mixed signals for two reasons. You’re either a dick head or you’re afraid. Now if you really like the person, nobody’s saying yell “Hi-Ho Silver” and dive in head first. Take your time don’t rush but give the person a reason to stick around. My generation got this love shit backwards.  Pushing a person away won’t make them stay. THEY WILL LEAVE YOUR BACKWARDS ASS.  Be up front,  tell them you like them and you wanna take things slow.

5. I personally think 1-4 are valid points: There is no need for a number 5. Just don’t send mixed signals, if you’re not sure what you want from them take it day by day.  Don’t send someone on a wild goose chase in the Sahara Desert. Its stupid

Hasta Lavista Babies

The Rules of Dating

OK so I’m 23 years old and there is no handbook floating around with the Do’s and Don’ts of dating and who the hell am i to make them ( I’m so nontraditional my ancestors are pissed at what i do) I’m a firm believer in things will happen on there own time So i decided to list some of the things i will or wont do when i first start talking to ( or getting to know) a contender

1. I only text first in the beginning: why the hell am i waking up in the morning and your the first person i text EVERYDAY relationships are 50/50 this shit here is a test. Am i really the first place your mind goes when you open your eye. Or do you just say that crap to make a girl feel good. Eff feeling good i can do that my damn self

2. DO NOT kiss within the first month or two of talking: some people think I’m crazy for this because i could have sex before i kiss someone (not saying that i do) but my lips are like the key to my damn soul. Kissing someone means i trust them. I have no doubt in my mind that I’m the only girl your putting you mouth on (in EVERY aspect) regardless of who texts you i know that its me you share your nasty cooties with.

3. HELL NO YOU CANT SEE MY PHONE: would a dude just openly pass you his cell phone and be like “here boo look at my pictures and my texts and my call log” Hell no he wont so you don’t let him go through yours he does NOT own you and he is NOT your boyfriend SHIT HE DONT PAY THE BILL FOR THAT IPHONE SO LOCK THAT SUCKA.

4. Let him think he has “bagged” you: guys have this thing about them. They have to feel like “yea she came floating over here to me like a fly to a pile of shit” when in all actuality you have been plotting on that ass since the first day you seen him. And you have only been talking junk to him to get him interested. I mean come on ladies we all do it. That bullying stuff don’t stop in middle school.

5. If he acting like he don’t want to get to know you: refer to my initial blog Friends With Benefits cause he don’t want to get to know from the outside in he trying to turn your insides OUT.

Ladies if you follow these simple rules you’ll be on top of the game.

Until next time

Friends with Benefits

So I get this 50 blog topics assignment in class one day and I think to myself, what in the hell can I blog about. Now in undergrad this is a hard decision. So I’m sitting in my room pondering and the first topic that pops into my head is Friends with Benefits. It was like the Rock power bombing the Undertaker in a cage match POW (clearly I was born in the 90’s)! So in my room listening to my favorite song by Rihanna I ask myself “What do I know about friends with benefits?” Before I answered myself, and yes people it’s ok to answer your own question, I listened to an old radio topic I did for my senior thesis,on my show Real and Uncutt listen to it on http://www.spreaker.com/tashamichelle ( Had to throw in a promo). But anyway I made a list of the top five things good and bad about having a friend with benefits:
1. It’s not always the girls fault: You guys it’s a new day and age females aren’t always “in their feelings” like they say we are. Dudes make it very easy for a girl not to give a rat’s ass on a Friday night. It called retaliation; you treat us like crap so we in return grow tougher skin and start not to care. There for we are capable of having “benefits” with no FREAKING emotions.
2. Somebody is SEARIOUSLY bound to get hurt: I mean seriously, people don’t understand when it comes to a friend with benefits the only thing you really need to know is the person’s name (or a nickname I mean hell you need something to call them), their age to make sure their legal, and a number to reach them at. When you get to know somebody you begin to learn them once you learn them you develop feelings and I swear feelings are like a nuclear bomb you catch those and the whole United States could blow up.
3. You get to reap the benefits: Ok so we are all grown here we all know what the benefits are. Sometimes as a person you just need benefits and that’s ok. Lol benefits are GOOD!!!!!!! I mean would you take a position at a large company if they weren’t offering you dental!!!
4. Bad part about this is people get jealous: Only when one person catches feelings does this become a problem. Because if you want my opinion I don’t care about Tom, Dick, or Harry but everybody isn’t like that. Some people just like to keep you to themselves and those people want relationships so hall ass to the nearest exit door and don’t look back.
5. It has to come to an end: Now this can work either way. Some people end UP together other people just end. I mean how far did you think the benefits would go from America to Budapest. Where ever that is. But any who always remember it’s never that serious think with your genital sense not general that’s where people get it messed up.
Until next time TOODLES readers